It’s a subject I’ve not talked about for a while, but events in our house have made me decide to tell you about my adventures with spiders.
Now anyone who knows me will say I hate the blooming things. That’s very true and why they seem to head for me I don’t know, other than I must smell nice to them.
This has been going on for a while, might I add. They show their ugly faces while having a stand-off with me as to who is going to move first. Of course I give in and take on the guise of a sprinter!
Anyway, those hairy monsters apart, I had two encounters this week with my most hated enemy. The large black spiders that are like Emil Zatopek – he was a sprinter and runner and flew like the devil. Probably before your time!
But anyway, I’ve never seen anything move as fast as they do.
My First Adventures with Spiders
There I was, having been to the toilet and getting back in bed like you do, when a big, black enemy came scuttling from the depths of my bed! I screamed out and knowing how fast they move, I threw the pillow on it. That usually stops them in their tracks. Imagine it, coming face to face with that, actually in bed with you.
My imagination made me wonder if it was crawling all over me while I was asleep. I was hoping to goodness it hadn’t been investigating my ears and nostrils while I was sleeping!
The secret is to throw something on them to immobilise them. Then, with my trusty, brilliant spider catcher, I lifted the pillow up slowly. As soon as it sees daylight it tries to run for cover, but I quickly scoop it up and trap it until it’s let out outside – somewhere far away from my bed!
The catcher has a Perspex end to it. So while I had it in my clutches, out came my glasses and I did a very extensive examination while it was stuck. I wish I hadn’t, because near to it was so repulsive. It had a very bulbous stomach and body with a smaller head and the front two feelers being a lot smaller. It had a look like someone pursing its lips with the two small feelers and shoving them into its mouth in such an ugly way. Like something out of a sci fi film – really, truly horrible as I studied it. Back to my bed, I had a look under the sheets and saw nothing. So I got back in while wondering why I get so many and nobody else here does.
Adventures with Spiders No. 2…
My next encounter was two or three days later. Everyone else was up except me, and Jane came into my bedroom to tell me something. She was standing by the bed and suddenly her eyes opened like saucers and she yelled out.
I didn’t need telling what the shouting was for. I shot out of bed, well a small shot as I seem to have lost my quick sprint these days, meanwhile there was Jane with her eyes popping out of her head. I grabbed my spider catcher but by this time it had scuttled down the back of the bed to goodness knows where, leaving me wondering if it had come back to get me.
It was the same type of spider. Black, big and ugly and with 100mph speed to it – believe me I’m not joking. Even Jane was astonished when she saw it. It was a bridge too far for me by then and wild horses wouldn’t have got me back under the duvet with that thing on the loose.
Where are you?
I shouted for Kevin and Derek to come and pull the bed out to see if they could see any signs of it. And worse, if there was a nest to breed more of the blooming things, shudder shudder. How they get into the house is a mystery to me, but they have to come from somewhere.
Hubby immediately went into overdrive as to how to pull the bed out as it’s very heavy. By now I’m sensing that trouble could be on the way, while they decided what to do with the bedding as it just about touches the floor. Eventually they got to terms with it. To be fair, with built in wardrobes at the foot of the bed, there’s not much leeway to play with. But eventually out it came.
Also under the bed were tablets from goodness knows when. I keep some tablets by the side of my bed to take at night and some for morning. Nobody would pull the two-ton bed out to retrieve a tablet, so they’d stayed put. I wonder how often you people out there pull your bed out? Mine does come out occasionally, but not every week. So there the tablets were, nestling into the dust bunnies – not too many though!
Where’s the spider?
And the spider? There was no sign of it, much to my horror, so where was it? I went off into the kitchen to see if it would follow me into there, well they seem to like my company so it was worth a try.
Eventually I went back in to see if there was a sighting of it, when Kevin had a Eureka moment and caught the black so-and-so in his bare hands. Of course my stomach did a somersault at the sight of him running to the back door to wish it a fond farewell, while we about tidying it all up again.
We do have an insect spray so Kevin sprayed it around the edges of the carpet. Along with duct tape covering any tiny holes which might be big enough for an errant spider to come through to give me a heart attack. He assured me that there wasn’t any sign of spiders anywhere and life could go back to normal – whatever that is in our house.
The awful horrible black ugly spider was guess where? Yes, creeping into my sheets at the back of the bed, to go under the duvet when it was put back. I seriously would have had a dickey fit if I had found that crawling on me, believe me. I’m hoping that’s an end to it now. Having them crawling under my nose on my bed is just too much. But when they are actually in it, then I’m really not amused!
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