Well, I’ve got to say that I had fun and games the other day with a spider, so it’s my turn to get laughed at. I was sitting on a footstool listening to Jane prattling on when out of the corner of my eye, I saw what I thought was a black blob, quite large too. I do see all sorts of weird and wonderful things with my eyes because of the problems I have with them. So I naturally thought it was one of those.
Suddenly Jane, who was standing in front of me screamed out “oh mum there’s a great big spider running down your leg”. I didn’t know if it was April Fool’s day or what. Although common sense told me it’s not April yet, but my lot could do All fool’s day every day, if you know what I mean.
Spider, Spider… frightened the life out of me!
Anyway, I looked down and sure enough the big black blob was a spider. And it was running hell for leather down my trouser leg.
I shot up off the stool, in spite of very painful knees, and started screaming ‘get it off me quick’. There I was, jumping up and down, screaming my head off with my mouth and lips doing this sort of wobbling jelly expression – I was so disgusted. All I could think was, if it gets down to the bottom of my trousers, is it going to go up the inside of them!!
Of course, my dear family (except Kevin who wasn’t there) did just what I knew they would do. Jane couldn’t do a thing because she was helpless at the sight of me running about as though my trousers were on fire. Hubby, who was sitting about two feet away, hardly lifted his head from his iPad never mind help to get the blooming thing off me.
Talk about laugh at me, it wasn’t in it. Well at least it gave someone a good laugh although I did get an ‘it’s only a spider you’re not on fire’ from him indoors. So I started yelling about the things he doesn’t like so he went back to his iPad.
I swear if you ever watch any of these sci-fi films where the robots suddenly have a spear shoot out from the end of their hand, well my hubby has an iPad on the end of his, and that’s no lie.
Laugh a minute at mother
Anyway, back to my story. I thought Jane was going to have a seizure with the look on her face as she was laughing so much. But I did think if Kevin had been there he’d have rescued me from that horrible large black thing. It must have been hiding somewhere on the upper part of my body. Oh goodness, it’s making me have goosebumps again!
When she couldn’t laugh any more at the sight of me jumping up and down while trying to shake it off and not succeeding, she got round to helping her dear old mum. I was happily having a panic attack so she got some toilet roll to catch it. Instead of abseiling down my leg it was flying out of the bathroom window – toilet roll and all!
For those of you who don’t know, one of my pet hates is spiders. Any shape, size or colour and I become a bag of quivering jelly. I’ve had so many times when I’ve found them running across in front of me when I’ve been in bed. Once, a massive jet black spider did a fan-dance right in front of my nose. That had me screaming my head off, although nobody came to rescue me!
So, there I was still shaking in my shoes at the thought of which parts of my body it had invaded before it went on its mountaineering exercises. My hairs were standing on end at the thought of it. Eventually I calmed down, although it didn’t help when Jane said ‘I wish I’d my camera on that one mum, it would have gone viral’. What can you say I ask you! I’m just glad it wasn’t a man eating tiger or anything as they would have been laughing their heads off as it swallowed me!
Oi, Arthur!
This is how each day pans out in our house. She even made fun when I said that I might as well call the dog Arthur. After shouting ‘Koko’ to my selectively deaf dog and him completely ignoring I said I might as well shout ‘Arthur’ to him.
Unless he hears the rattle of a sweet paper or such like, and then he hears me loud and clear.
Off she went again laughing at me when I started calling him Arthur (not a name I like anyway, sorry all you Arthur’s out there). But I might as well call him any name under the sun for all the notice he takes of me. I did wonder if he didn’t like his name? But who knows how a dog’s mind works!
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