We’ve Lost the Plot!

It’s been a funny old week here in our house. I’m beginning to think we’ve lost the plot, except that some of us are already there waiting for newcomers!

We’ve Lost the Plot – and it’s fence posts…

Anyway, Monday kicked off with Kevin as usual. I don’t know whether he was still asleep or what, although we know he lost the plot and long time ago. Jane has being trying to find a way to make shiny nails go rusty, to make fence posts for her driftwood cottage projects*. She had looked it up on the internet and reckoned that soaking them in vinegar and salt should do it, in the absence of hydrogen peroxide. So, there she was with an egg cup, with her nails getting more shiny by the minute.

Both Kevin and I struck up ‘vinegar cleans things, not make them rusty’ as it was a tip I read some years ago. If something is rusted up, like a screw, you soak it in vinegar. Being an acid it melts the rust and hey presto, you can get the screw moving. It does work mostly, it’s very clever and if you give it long enough it works. As the nails were getting shinier and cleaner, I think she realised that we weren’t having a joke and it was the wrong thing for the job. So maybe Mr. Google doesn’t know quite everything!

So they had their heads together and wondered what they could use to solve the problem. Myself, I like clean new things so I would rather have ‘fence posts’ that looked clean and new. After a while, they drew a blank.

Is it a bomb? (said in a fake-French Allo Allo accent…)

Kevin had to go to the post office in Cleveleys, so he popped to Boots the chemist and asked a bemused assistant if he could buy some Hydrogen Peroxide. After looking at him with a disturbed look on her face, she asked him what he wanted it for and when he said he wanted to make nails go rusty with it, she hurriedly said no we haven’t any. Kevin as Kevin does never thought a thing about it. But when he got back, I could hear Jane laughing her head off.

She then told me that if the bomb squad came round it was because Kevin had tried to buy one of the ingredients to make homemade bombs! She came to me in tears at the thought of it, tears of laughter, which set me off. I mean, Hydrogen Peroxide and rusty nails are used in home made bombs aren’t they, to do the maximum damage. All he needed was some fertiliser! It’s a wonder she didn’t keep him there until the police came! Anyway, we didn’t have any visits from the bomb squad so we breathed a sigh of relief at that one! That’s our Kevin for you!

*If you’ve not already seen them, Jane is making driftwood cottages for our Seaside Emporium online shop, and they’re selling like hotcakes! She’s not a bit of bother while she’s painting and hammering!

We’ve Lost the Plot – and the medicine book…

Then on November 11th, I was on my own in the kitchen when it was time for the two minutes silence. There I was, arms folded and leaning on the worktop, thinking about my grandad I never knew. He died in the First World War – and all the people who lost their lives in the futility of war.

I could hear that Kevin came into the kitchen. As he stood still, I thought I’d reminded him about the two minutes silence. But when he came up to me and peered at me, I wondered why. I put my fingers to my lips in a hush gesture so when the two minutes were up, he asked if I was ok. A bit puzzled I said ‘yes’, and the relief on his face was something else.

It seems he thought my arms folded was me clutching my chest and leaning forward. I do that because within two minutes of standing up my back is in agony. My eyes closed finished him off. The poor lad had got me down as having a heart attack and I was clutching my chest with pain!

I mean I ask you. He must have lost the ‘heart attack’ page in the medicine book because I wouldn’t have been hushing him if I was having a heart attack! We all had a good laugh at that thought, including Kevin. But at least he was looking out for me if I had been in trouble, bless him. He looks after me like a mother does our Kevin, he is so thoughtful, it is lovely.

Lost the Plot and the Plumbing…

Next, my 17 year old bath tap decided to give the ghost up, as they do. So a week ago when it packed in, as it has once before, action needed to be taken and enter our resident plumber, Kevin. The taps are a three hole set, with a pull up shower head, separate tap and the handle to work them all. Not chosen by me but the plumber who put the bathroom in.

Kevin knew from having mended it once before that it was getting really fed up, so I decided to look for a new set. Onto the internet we went, shops were out because of the virus. We did a lot of looking as three hole sets aren’t that plentiful, I found one from Victorian Plumbing which wasn’t cheap but I really liked the style. As it would probably still be here when I wasn’t, I thought I would have a good one to make it last beyond me.

So on Friday the thirteenth, (yes really) up turned the tap. I’d even paid more for next day delivery as I was desperate. The old one was hanging on by a thread, and I love having a bath so much.

HOW MUCH?

Kevin went delving into the instruction book and found that you also needed a fitting under the bath to take the taps. Nowhere does it say when you buy the tap that you have to spend an EXTRA £600 for this bit of plumbing! After we’d died of shock and I said no way am I paying that out, Kevin got onto the company. The man he spoke to was spoiling for an argument and was pretty much arguing the toss.

Now Kevin was a Global Incident Manager for HSBC in his previous life, and dealt with problem customers and all their computer things all over the world. So he’s very good at keeping calm and speaking in a proper manner, even if someone is being stroppy.

He did his HSBC routine with Victorian Plumbing and insisted he was sending it back and wanted a refund. Again, they were rude which is not what you should do when someone has a complaint. I ask you. Anyway, it’s gone back so he spent all afternoon and night mending the old one. I told you 13 was an unlucky number for us, it’s easier to stay in bed for the day!