Here I am again to tell you all about our mad house and I’m not joking there! If you read my last blog you’ll know about finding my glasses in my bedpan. You’ve guessed we’re on my favourite subject again with the title ‘Tinkle Time’. But I think Jane decided she would go one better, which I shall explain in a minute.
Tinkle Time
Sadly I’ve had to have a commode by the side of my bed since I got home, which I have hated. But I’ve been glad of it, if you know what I mean. In spite of being lucky enough to have an en suite, I could scarcely slither down the side of my bed, never mind stand up when I reached the floor.
So wanting a tinkle in the middle of the night wasn’t safe, even walking with a zimmer frame, as I was so weak. I’m not wanting to sound as though I keep harping on about my frail body, but it is what it is. In the past any mention of commodes made me shiver, but needs must when the devil drives and tinkle time calls, doesn’t it. It’s that or the alternative – which wouldn’t make me at all popular, would it!!
My bedroom now resembles an old people’s home. And yes, I’ve told them they mustn’t dump me in one, or else. There’s still time to change my will, lol. I know they are a necessity for some people but not for me.
Going Home
The doctors told me when I came out of hospital I should go to Clifton for re-hab for however long it would take me to get better. My ‘not likely’ was in my strongest voice I could muster. After nearly two months in hospital I wasn’t swapping one for the other, I was going home.
Having explained for the millionth time that I had family at home who were going to see to me, he knew I meant it. He said ok to that as long as I agreed to the Rapid Response team coming in, which I did. Anyway, someone else could have that slot at Clifton who hadn’t got family and needed it more than me. So home I went, and happier I was. The cardiac nurses will still come to visit every couple of weeks, so that will be interesting.
I’m doing it again aren’t I, rambling off my story about Jane and the ‘accident’ she had with my tinklings.
Tablet Tinkle Time!
Well, she got me into the bath and while I was moaning and groaning with the sheer pleasure of soaking in it, she picked up a packet of my tablets and dropped them into the commode and into my tinkle. I thought I was back in hospital again with the yell she let out. It was like action replay, only my tablets were having a bath instead of the glasses.
She rushed into the bathroom and threw them under the tap and luckily it was just the outside of the box that succumbed to her dunking. The tablets in their foil packet and the sheet of instructions were dry, thank goodness. I didn’t fancy having tinkle soaked tablets, I don’t know about you. I only have somebody else to drop something in it and that will be the third and hopefully last time!
Poor Derek has gone to seek asylum in the upstairs bedroom out of the way or I’d be driving him insane with all that’s gone on. So he’s happy and so am I – I can have the light on at all hours in the night which he hates!
Mrs Whirlwind
One last thing about hospitals and then I’ll be quiet. If I needed to move up the bed they had to have a nurse on either side of me, grimly hanging onto a special sliding sheet, to slither me back up the bed. It was so brilliant that we have one at home, it certainly makes moving somebody a lot easier.
The only trouble was that they then sort of threw my bag of bones back onto the bed, where I landed with a thud. One woman used to see to me mostly at night and wasn’t much taller than me – but like a whirlwind when it came to work. When she got the job of bed-bathing me at night and getting me sorted, she was like poetry in motion. Or a whirling dervish, the speed she went at it.
Bearing in mind I could hardly move anything, she would single handedly pick me up and literally throw my poor body, all six stones of it, like a sack of potatoes to where she wanted me to be in the bed. I used to land with a thud and winded into the bargain, but there was no stopping her. I think she could have easily lifted a twenty stone man even though she was so tiny. But I think she went a bit far one night which I shall tell you about.
A very strange occurrence…
I was fast asleep one night at 2.30am when in came wonder woman. She’d decided to bed bath me at that ungodly hour which had never happened before – or after. I was almost asleep when she stripped off all my clothes – which they don’t normally do – a bit at a time was the usual routine.
So there I was on a cold December/January night, with no light on and the windows wide open! She set to and fettled me and eventually got the shivering me dressed. You would have been forgiven for wondering what was she up to. With me stark naked, windows wide open with a cold wind blowing in. But anyway, she eventually finished and I got the customary pick-up and throw, back up the bed.
How she did it I don’t know as she was so petite. I asked her what she was taking and could I have some, but she would just smile at me, her energy was boundless. She was usually the one who cleaned me up in the middle of the night when my catheter failed.
Tinkle Time or Not?
I had a catheter in for weeks so they could measure my input and output of fluid because my kidneys had all about packed in with all the drugs they gave me. I complained it had gone skewiff and I could feel myself tinkling down my legs instead of the catheter quietly working its magic.
They had to take notice when they found the valves had come undone or kinked or something. But I think they thought I must still be doolally until they found out it really was faulty. I tell you, your modesty goes out of the window in these places, you’re helpless at the hands of strangers, who luckily became friends.
But I have to say that the doctors and nurses worked continually and I saw that for myself. I was opposite the nurses station and the doctor’s office was next to my room. They worked at the station all day and through the night. There was no acting about, nothing as there had been in the Yorkshire hospital I was in years before. The only time there was a noise was when they had their tea breaks. Then they would be laughing for half an hour or so, no doubt to get rid of what they were dealing with, day to day.
Through the night, they were on computers, getting on with whatever. There was never a complaint if they had to clean you up for whatever reason, which was good. I’m sure no-one wants to be made to feel embarrassed at doing things out of their control, do they. Anyway, I’m sure that is enough about my adventures, so I know the outcome of Tuesday’s ordeal, I’ll try and not mention hospitals again!!Â
Other blogs you might be interested in –
- If you didn’t see the funny side
- Chrissie’s Back after trying to cheat death!
- Chrissie Update
- It’s agony, Ivy!
- My third covid jab
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