Hello everyone, here I am again to tell you of some of the goings on here at our house. I tell you, if you didn’t see the funny side of life you’d cry!
If you didn’t see the funny side of the phone calls…
You may or may not know that we get some really strange phone calls asking some very strange questions. Well, we’ve just had one where a man asked Derek (who answered the phone) if he needed a Covid jab as he was going to Tenerife and wasn’t sure. Now I know we’ve been used as a travel agents, and every other thing under the sun. But giving advice on requirements for Covid jabs to travel overseas isn’t quite what we do!
I thought my poor hubby was going to choke on the phone. But he did manage to say, without laughing, that he hadn’t a clue. Surely a chemist or doctor would be the place to ask, not us. Some of the things we get asked are hilarious. We ought to be writing them down. I think the only thing we’ve not been asked to do is how to have or give birth to a baby. But watch this space!
Anyway people, before I try and close my mind to doctors and hospitals, I thought I’d tell you a few of the funny things that happened to me. That was when I finally woke up.
I’ve only found out today about the particular Thursday when the family were waiting for a phone call to say I’d actually gone over to the other side (that’s how close it was, I as they say in Yorkshire). But I did them a thick’en and woke up, or started to, the day after, when they had a last try at a new treatment. It must have been awful for them, which Jane confirmed today.
If you didn’t see the funny side of being out of your head!
She keeps filling me in on bits that I didn’t know, like when I was delirious just before I went in hospital. Apparently I was having a fit because there were spiders and flies all over the bed, which they pretended to pick off to keep me quiet! As if, me not liking flies and spiders, well I never, what next.
Readers, you’ll know that I detest spiders closely followed by flies, so my subconscious must have had them on my mind. I was doing and saying all sorts of weird things pretty much normal for me you might say. But I can’t remember any of them, except for the day after what should have been my demise.
I finally opened my slitty eyes, one at a time, and saw Jane who was feeding me with a drip of ice cream which tasted like nectar. I carried on in that way, but for a couple of weeks couldn’t move or sit up because of the sheer weakness of being so ill. The nurses had to do everything for me, and I mean everything. You can’t be embarrassed in hospital at all, as anyone who has been in will probably agree.
For instance, when you had to go the toilet (I wished I could have!) I had to buzz for someone to come and get me on a bedpan. Yes, the dreaded bedpan. Which if you’ve never used one is a treat on its own. Now don’t forget, I couldn’t move so it needed two nurses to lift me up like a sack of coal and either dump me higher up the bed or onto the throne, aka the bedpan.
If you didn’t see the funny side of the bedpan…
Two of them across from each other, one either side of the bed, unceremoniously dumped me onto it with a lot of puffing. All 6 stones of me had to try and get onto the wobbly bed pan with a tight fit, if you get me. Try lying flat on your back and answering the call of nature, it’s not easy I can tell you. It goes against all the rules of gravity. Who lies flat on their back to get rid of the unwanted? Eventually though, as time went on, I really got into the bed pan lark and became quite an expert, with not a drop spilt. Well you have to don’t you.
One of the funny things that happened was when a nurse got me off the bed pan one time. She took it away from me and took it to the door to get rid of my waste and let out a big scream while jumping back. I did wonder if I’d left my insides in the bedpan.
I asked what was wrong and lo and behold, it could only happen to me, my glasses had fallen off my nose unbeknown to me straight into it. When she’d calmed down, we fell about laughing. Well she did, I couldn’t move, with these ‘eyes’ staring up at her – but she was pleased I’d only had a wee! It was so funny.
Mrs Wriggle and those legs!
I was always getting into trouble because I was a wriggler in bed. The minute they changed my bed or tidied it up, I managed to get myself on the diagonal. This was when I started to move a bit. Even when they’d just finished tidying it all up. One nurse in particular that I grew fond of was always shouting ‘she’s off again swivelling in bed’ followed by ‘stop moving’. Maybe it was me making up for lost time when I couldn’t move all those weeks, I don’t know. But I couldn’t stop moving my legs.
Oh dear what an idiot I felt when, in the middle of the night and I was fast asleep, a doctor came in to do my blood pressure, sugar and oxygen levels, etc. That went on all the time, night and day. He was one of the quieter doctors and looked horrified to find I had both legs stuck vertically up in the air, nightie to my waist, and fast asleep!
When he woke me I felt mortified. He didn’t know where to look and had the same expression on his face I did, utter disbelief and shock. I was asleep honestly. But when the poor man kept a wide berth from me after that, goodness only knows what he thought I was doing.
We all had a laugh about it when we saw the funny side later. As doctors and nurses were always coming into my room at night to give me drugs or do observations, it was up to me to get my legs tied down in case it happened again!
At least the nurses and my family had a good laugh at my expense while I was in there. Both Jane and I made good friends with some of them. Maybe you’d like to hear more of the mad house and hospital goings on at a later date. But if you didn’t see the funny side, you’d cry wouldn’t you! So bye for now.
Other blogs you might be interested in –
- Chrissie’s Back after trying to cheat death!
- Chrissie Update
- It’s agony, Ivy!
- My third covid jab
- Time off and more troubles
- Lunch and hot chocolate
- What happened to the weather?
- Party time again
- Celebrating 30 years
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