Kevin has been at it again making fun of me, this seems to be one of his favourite hobbies at the moment. It began something like this…
I wanted to tell him something urgently when I got up out of bed one day. I heard his feet banging along the corridor. He’s well known in our house for thudding on every floor covering you can name. He sounds like a herd of elephants approaching. When we are upstairs, we can hear him thudding across the kitchen floor. So much so that we all say ‘guess who’. So I realised that he was up and about.
‘Right’ I thought. ‘I’ll catch him while I think on and don’t forget’.
Meet in the middle
We met up in the middle of the kitchen, me in my nightie, Kevin in his dressing gown, when he cracked out laughing at me. To be fair I suppose there was no wonder. There I was, flossing stick in one hand and the mirror in the other. Waving them both about as I told him my tale.
I wouldn’t care but I wasn’t foaming at the mouth with toothpaste, rabies style. But for some reason it amused him that I was standing there, mirror and flosser in hand. Hair looking like I’d had my fingers in the electric socket or something. Well you do don’t you until you get dressed and tidied up.
Making fun of me
Anyway, I thought he was going to have hysterics. I couldn’t understand why he thought I looked like a mad woman waving these things around in the air. After all, he’s seen me millions of times in my nightie. He didn’t exactly look like an oil painting either. He hasn’t much hair to look a mess, but he has the spindly legs to go with the ‘look’!
Then Jane appeared to see what we found so funny, so early in the morning. Of course, he went through the whole charade again, showing her what I’d done.
Making fun of me… again
It didn’t stop there either as the morning after it was like an action replay all over again. He came staggering down the corridor with a mirror in one hand and a flosser in the other, laughing his head off. That set Jane and I off laughing again. Talk about a daft family, it’s not in it.
I got my own back though for making fun of me. The day after when I was feeding the dogs, Koko decided he wasn’t going to eat his dinner for nobody. That’s a recipe for disaster as Muffin then thinks he can turn into a fiend and throw himself at Kokos dog bowl to gobble up another meal.
The answer to that is to make him go and sit on the big footstool in front of the settee on the other side of the room. He knows he doesn’t move from there or else!
Koko slowly picked at his food as if to say ‘have I got to’. Muffin meanwhile is staring at his dish like a greyhound in trap one, waiting to be released! Suddenly, I caught Kevin looking at me out of the corner of my eye. He was making a thumbs down sign, shaking it up and down and so on. So like a flash, I shot over to where he sits and plonked myself down on the floor in front of an amazed Kevin.
Gotcha!
I thought he was going to have a fit or something. Then he explained he’d been doing the thumbs to ask me whether Muffin could get down from the stool! Not, as I thought, a good old neck and shoulder massage!
There I was, apologising profusely. I was on my hands and knees looking as though I was grovelling to him (he wishes). He said ‘you’re having a neck rub then Chrissie’ in a sarcastic tone of voice, I think he was in shock by this point. I usually hang back from asking unless I’m desperate.
The only thing that works
At this point, I’ll tell you why he does this so you won’t wonder what both of us are doing. I have severe pain in most of my body, practically all the time. When it flares up to screaming point, I put my cap in hand and beg him to help out with a massage. That sounds awful but I don’t like asking people to do things for me. I’m always in trouble for it. I’ve had such a lot of pain recently. I thought, ‘thank goodness I’m going over there for a good old massage’.
Jane was laughing her head off at this point when she realised he’d been had from yours truly. ‘Vengeance is sweet’ is what I thought. It’ll make up for all the times he’s making fun of me!
I have to say, he does a marvellous job and really puts his strength into it, which it needs. When I’m at screaming point (I am now) it’s the only thing that eases the pain in my neck and upper back. If you’ve had it you’ll know that it doesn’t just hurt, it also makes you feel really weird.
When I see people on TV having a massage, the masseur always looks to be gently stroking the skin. For me that’s useless and they might as well not have bothered at all. You need some good old clout behind it and although it sounds stupid, it eases the pain. Even though it hurts while he’s doing it, it really helps, which sounds silly but it does. I keep telling him that he could make a living from being a masseur. At which I usually get a glare and a ‘not likely’ look and statement. I think he really has enough on his plate with Jane and I!
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